Size doesn’t matter

I’ve got this dream. I’ve had it for years. Something that I have wanted to do, or rather obtain, that would make a big difference in my life. One of those “If I get this done, I can do anything” dream. And being a follower of the Law of Attraction practices, and doing my daily bit of daydreaming and visualization, I’ve always thought that it was a matter of time. If I do this often enough and hard enough, it will happen. I will make it happen. Yet the years go by and the coveted dream is still as out of reach today as it was the day I conjured it up in my mind.

But the mind doesn’t like vacuum. If you don’t feed it with the right thoughts, it will make up its own to fill the void. So inevitably, a different sort of musings begin to sneak in – this is never gonna happen, who are you kidding, how could you possibly make something so big appear out of thin air….and on and on. Doubt is like an infection. Once it takes a hold of your brain cells, it will spread and multiply and it will take over your thoughts, your dreams, your beliefs. And it will never cease until it has destroyed the last shred of hope that miracles exist, that they are really…quite possible.

Years ago, caught in one of those ‘infection spells’, I decided to take a different approach. Tired of nothing going my way, having lost hope that ‘anything good would ever happen to me’, I got pushed into action by a word mentioned somewhere in the corridors of life, by a stranger passing by, or was it a friend concerned about me – gratitude. I sat down with a pen and notepad and began to make a list of all the wonderful things that had happened to me, that I didn’t even make an effort to achieve. That was the main point. List only the ‘little miracles’. Not things I had worked hard to accomplish, not purchases that took months of discipline and saving. No, only unexpected gifts of things I had once wished for, thought about and then quickly discarded as un-doable. Like experiences I had hoped for but never had. Or even inventions that didn’t exist in the world but I thought useful. The dream jacket that was nowhere to be found. The kind of answer that was not in a book to be read. That sort of stuff.

I sat and I wrote. And then I wrote some more. And suddenly I stopped, realizing that I had filled four pages with things I was grateful for. Things I had said about “I wish I could have/find/buy/experience that…..” and then never spent a second thought on. Four pages of little miracles, and I had only gone back six months in time.

And then I realised. It wasn’t that I had spent hours and days ‘working’ on getting those things. It’s not that I had invested energy and effort into making them happen. It was more that I never had doubt they would come into existence. I never felt I wasn’t deserving of them, or they were impossible to obtain. No, I just had a fleeting thought about something I desired, then left it at the back of my mind, never revisited, until the day that thing or object landed in my lap, and then I’d go “Oh yes, I’ve always wanted one of these, I’ve always wanted to come to this place, I’ve always fancied that”.

My meditation teacher used to say that ten hours of visualization can be undone by ten seconds of doubt. “When you do that, he’d say, you’ve lost all your brownie points”. Doubt and fear can destroy in moments what faith and belief have been building for months.

In his book “Think and grow rich” Napoleon Hill teaches us that we can achieve anything we can think of, as long as we have a burning desire for our dream and unshakable faith that what we want is possible and we deserve it. But how do you make yourself believe that you deserve something, that you are worth it? The answer is as simple as it is profound. Love yourself. Love yourself as you are the worthiest and most deserving person on the planet. Believe that all the goodness and abundance of the universe are yours. By default. By birthright. Indeed, failure is not an option. You will receive everything you believe you deserve. So believe wisely.

By now however, you are probably asking yourself – what does all of this has to do with size? Steady, my dear readers, you are not being spammed with an advertisement for a miraculous cure for male prowess or lack thereof.

The size in question is the size of your dreams. And the doubts and indecisiveness such size induces. A trap I have fallen into way too often myself, thinking that because something is too big, it is therefore impossible. Yet the simple truth is – size does not matter to the Universe. She is as willing and capable of fulfilling the grandest of dreams as easily as the tiniest of desires. However big or small your aspiration, she can meet your request with equal ease. Whether you want a small raise at work or lower gas prices nationwide, better looking garden or world peace – it is all the same to her. Size does not matter. At least when it comes to the metrics of your dreams, it doesn’t.

Where it does matter however, is in the size of your faith that anything is possible. The size of your conviction that you can have anything you wish for. The size of the desire burning in your heart and the size of the voice in your mind saying to you “Yes, you can have it, you deserve it, it’s yours”.

A friend of mine complained to me the other day, how something she’s been hoping for in a very long time, keeps slipping through her fingers. The more I want it and try to make it happen, she cried, the harder and more out of reach it seems. I said to her the same thing I’m gonna say to you now:

Be grateful for everything you already have.

Believe that what you want is already yours.

Be patient for everything that’s yet to come.

Successful careers and fat bank accounts might be built on work, education, ambition or greed. But inner peace and happiness need only three foundation rocks – gratitude, patience and faith.

So dream on. Dream big. Do not lose sight of your horizon. Chase away doubt and fear. And fuel the fire in your heart. For whatever you wish for, is already yours. All you need to do is say “Thank you”.



365 days

52 weeks, 365 days, 2,087 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds.

A lot can happen in a year. One could graduate, start a new job, move, find love, get married, have a child. Or start living. One year is really a lot of time. And even though today looks so much different and even filled with gratitude for every single step of the way, in the eye of the storm things look a bit different. In there, time stands still. Sometimes you don’t know if you’re gonna find the strength to go on another day. Sometimes it seems you won’t be able to beat it all. Circumstances, fate, your own choices. Sometimes you wonder if you’re gonna make it. If it’s even worth it. You ask yourself whether the end justifies the means, moreover when other people depend on you and your actions directly affect them. You lose faith, hope, path, direction. Drown in your own misery, you’re struggling to even take a breath. Sometimes it’s hard, very hard to find yourself again after you have made all the wrong choices. When you made the same mistakes again and again, just to make sure. When you feel weak, disabled, lost. It’s hard to get the pieces back together when the whole picture is hacked to bits. Of course, after dust has settled, you know that there are no right and wrong choices. You can’t judge yourself for past failures from the position of today, looking through the eyes of the person you are this very minute. It’s not fair. But it’s indeed challenging to find that inner wisdom when you’re suffocating. When you can’t comprehend the very purpose of your life. It’s hard to believe when there’s nothing to believe in. It’s hard to fight when you see your world gradually razing to the ground. You stumble and you fall, waiting for the light that never comes. You forget how to dream or how to appreciate yourself to start with. Hoping for something good to happen when all you see around is darkness, this is at the very least dispiriting. It’s draining. And even if now you fail to see that light at the end of the tunnel, know that there is an exit. There always is. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.

In retrospect, it was a challenging year. In every sense. Looking back from where I stand now, I see how it managed to put everything I’ve ever learnt to the test and made my entire world collapse. It was a thorny and challenging road, but I made the leap. There were times when I was filled with uncertainty and doubt. In everything and everyone. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring and even whether there would be tomorrow at all. But finally, it all came to an end. I saw the end of the cycle and the start of a new one. I experienced it as deep as it could be. It was time to break free from the cocoon and be re-born. And if you’re in that black hole now, remember that the darkest hour is just before the dawn, so don’t lose hope. Ever. Remember that there’s always a greater plan, a bigger picture. No matter how dark it might seem now, keep the faith in universal wisdom and give yourself a chance. A chance to live, a chance to be happy. You owe it to yourself. There’s no need to wait for New Year’s resolutions to change your life. Do something now and don’t let circumstances guide you. Don’t ever let anyone else make your own decisions. After all, this is your life and it’s all in your hands, so decide for yourself. Is this the life you want to live? Does your reality reflect your fondest wishes? Your dreams? The fundamental vision of your higher self? Yes? Great, well done! But if not, make the decision to change it. Act out of love and not out of fear. Love to thyself. Break the chains and step out of your comfort zone, because that’s how you learn, that’s how you grow. And don’t be afraid, for I’m telling you: miracles can and do happen. You are one of them.

Of life and how we live it

From the moment we are born, we are subjected to endless and persistent ‘education’. Schools, families, media – all bombard us with tons of information. We are told…everything. And we are taught nothing. What this so called education does, is shape us and fit us into a mould, that defines for us what is and isn’t acceptable, what we should and shouldn’t do, say, eat, wear, what dreams to dream, what goals to chase. It defines for us success and failure, happiness and unhappiness. And we are brainwashed into thinking that there are things we have to do/have/possess, in order to feel the way we want to feel and see our lives the way we want to, so we can be who we should be. This way of thinking and living creates nothing but misery. We try our entire lives to obtain that which we are told we need, we strive to change or control our physical environment. And we foolishly believe, that if we can control everything around us, we will feel better about ourselves and we will become the person we are supposed to be. But we can’t control it all. We will never have it all figured out or put together as we want it. So we spend our lives fighting life itself, and then we wonder why we’re unhappy, unfulfilled and downright depressed. Something is missing.

Now here’s a thought, that some of you might find…well, ridiculous. What if life is supposed to be lived the other way around? What if we change who we are, so we think a different thought, so we can feel about life in a different way, and as a result experience life differently? Thoughts leading to feelings leading to actions leading to changes.

Nah, I hear you say. How am I supposed to think differently, when everything around me prompts a completely different response? The answer is simple, yet profound. And it’s not the first time you come across it. Do not react, rather create. Easier said than done? Think of it this way. Whenever exposed to or confronted by something, do you react instinctively, do you do or say the first thing that comes into your head? Most of us do exactly that. The response is formed without us even being aware of it. It is calculated and created by our subconscious mind based on everything it holds – memories, past experiences, hopes, doubts, fears, ‘education’. It takes shape, it comes to the surface et voilà, the reaction is unleashed upon the world. Sometimes followed by satisfaction, but quite often by regret. We’ve all been there – “I shouldn’t have done that, I could have reacted differently, Now why did I do or say that instead of something else….”.

What it really comes down to is choice. Choice to speak, act and choose differently. And that begins with deciding, first and foremost, who we are, and more importantly – who we want to be. To decide what kind of life we want to live, what kind of world we want to see around us. And then make the choice as if we already are that person. Decide to be kind and act out of kindness, decide you are generous and display generosity, decide you are at peace and shine that peace onto others. For we all carry within us a spark of divine light, a grain of the universal goodness. It is ingrained in us, in fact, it makes us us. Years and years of fear-based ‘education’ will make us think of us and them, dividing us from the world around us and closing us off to all the goodness we could experience. We choose to act out of fear, where we are here to express and experience nothing but unconditional love. It is within that duality, that contradiction, that all of life’s choices arise. Do you live your life from a place of fear, or do you live it from a place of love? All other thoughts and emotions are a byproduct of these two.

Fear makes us hate, control, envy, imprison. Love sets us free, inspires, motivates and expands our souls. To live out of love is to live the highest life of all. But how do we learn to live that way? It’s nearly impossible to consciously condition ourselves to do that. The solution, as always, lies within. We must make the expression of love – towards ourselves and towards others – our highest priority. And to do that, we have to open not just our minds but before all our hearts, to pure unconditional love. And the best way to do that is through meditation.

When we close our eyes and sit in silence, when we shut off the world and go within, we open ourselves up to the very source of love, and of life itself – our divine nature. We let in the light, energy and unconditional love of the universe and allow it to settle deep within us. The more we do that, the more of it we have to give. And the more of it we give, the more of it there is in our world.

So start your every day with a pat on the back, congratulate yourself for making it to another day. And looking at your reflection in the mirror, declare to yourself and to the world who you are today. Not tomorrow, not a year from now. Today. Smile at strangers, help an old lady cross the road, give small change to a homeless person. Say Thank you and Please. Do this and you will have a totally different experience of your world. And you will feel happier. Because you are not here to please anybody, to impress the crowd, to win it all. You are here to become, each day and one moment at the time, the best version of the highest vision you can possibly have of yourself. The most important thing you can give yourself and the world is that, which you have always had and what you always were – unconditional love and light.

Get up, go forth and shine…


One freezing January morning

I’m walking down the street in the freezing winter cold. My earphones as usual in my ears and I’m lost in my own thoughts. The wind is howling and the cold is making my cheeks all red. I feel my hands ice cold even under the gloves and I can see my breath going out. Listening to that violin that makes my soul cry somewhere between ultimate pleasure and bitter pain. It touches my heart, turning my soul upside down. Sweet torture.

I keep walking. This winter landscape around is at the very least depressing. The sky looks so grey and sad. It feels like all those huge clouds will finally fall down to the ground, consuming everything underneath. All trees look dead. No flowers. Not a single green anywhere. Just that white and grey. The ground is all covered in snow and ice. It’s hard to walk, hard to even breathe. But I keep on going. I keep moving forward, as if I’m trying to escape all this somehow. As if I’m trying to find a hiding place from this somnambulant environment. As quickly as my feet would let me. I hear the snow crunching beneath my feet. One step after the other. And then another one. And then another one. That picture around, it’s one of the most grievous ones I’ve ever seen in my life and I feel the urge to run away. Fast.

People passing me by, running to work. Mothers holding their children’s hands, taking them to school. People freezing waiting for the bus. Cars moving fast, drivers already annoyed by the traffic. Carried away by my music, I’m trying not to let all that greyness around get me. It’s like life stood still. I’m trying not to notice all those deadpan faces passing by – all serious, already concerned about the day to come. Big winter coats, hats, scarves, gloves, and boots. Lonely faces, sad faces. Hard to avoid. Hidden deep down in their own shell, nobody notices a thing. Walking like zombies. As if they had no real intention to reach their final destination. Just walking, because they have to. It’s so early and everyone has already put their serious masks on. Unbelievable. Not a single smile. Not a single green leaf. Not a single sunbeam. Where is it? Where’s the light? Where’s the warmth? Where has all life gone?

It starts snowing. As if it wasn’t gloomy enough. Hard frozen tears falling from the sky. I look around, but there isn’t much to see. Nature looks sad, houses look sad, people look sad. I catch myself thinking that it’s just a cycle. The end of a cycle. Winter is just the end of cycle, right before everything comes back to life again. And a cycle must end, so  the next one begins, just to come to an end and start again. The cycle of life. And it’s like it’s all sleeping now, hibernating under that snow and waiting for the spring to come and bring back the light. But it’s still depressing and those violins in my ears don’t help much. Happy thought. I need a happy thought. None. All nature in some odd stillness and my mind follows. I somehow fail to find it beautiful this morning. It drains me. It makes me sleepy and it makes me grumpy. I need to get back home. My sanctuary from all that grief around. My castle. My fortress. The place where I could let this burden go as soon as I close the door behind me and feel the light again. I can’t wait to get back home. I put on the pace.

And suddenly, I see a couple kissing. Right there, standing under the falling snow like nothing else matters. They didn’t seem to even notice the cold or anything else around. Like no one else existed in their little world for two. They were right there, both devoured in the sweet kiss of love, frozen in time. Holding close, as if to increase the beaming light they shared even more. I almost saw it beaming out of them and spreading around, creating a circle of light around them. Nobody else noticed them. And I just stood there, still and quiet, staring. That’s exactly what I needed. That was the beam of light I was looking for. The sign of hope, the beam of love. And all of a sudden, the winter didn’t look so bad. The cold didn’t seem to bother me anymore. And then I knew. This was it. It is the warmth of heart that makes us see things differently. It is the glow of love that makes us glow in turn. It is that high hope and everlasting steady faith that everything is fine. Or at least it will be. Just now. I smiled and passed them by. I kept walking and my heart felt warm. I neither felt the cold, nor the freezing wind, nor the snowflakes melting all over my face. It was all, it was enough. Love was in the air and it was just enough.