365 days

52 weeks, 365 days, 2,087 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds.

A lot can happen in a year. One could graduate, start a new job, move, find love, get married, have a child. Or start living. One year is really a lot of time. And even though today looks so much different and even filled with gratitude for every single step of the way, in the eye of the storm things look a bit different. In there, time stands still. Sometimes you don’t know if you’re gonna find the strength to go on another day. Sometimes it seems you won’t be able to beat it all. Circumstances, fate, your own choices. Sometimes you wonder if you’re gonna make it. If it’s even worth it. You ask yourself whether the end justifies the means, moreover when other people depend on you and your actions directly affect them. You lose faith, hope, path, direction. Drown in your own misery, you’re struggling to even take a breath. Sometimes it’s hard, very hard to find yourself again after you have made all the wrong choices. When you made the same mistakes again and again, just to make sure. When you feel weak, disabled, lost. It’s hard to get the pieces back together when the whole picture is hacked to bits. Of course, after dust has settled, you know that there are no right and wrong choices. You can’t judge yourself for past failures from the position of today, looking through the eyes of the person you are this very minute. It’s not fair. But it’s indeed challenging to find that inner wisdom when you’re suffocating. When you can’t comprehend the very purpose of your life. It’s hard to believe when there’s nothing to believe in. It’s hard to fight when you see your world gradually razing to the ground. You stumble and you fall, waiting for the light that never comes. You forget how to dream or how to appreciate yourself to start with. Hoping for something good to happen when all you see around is darkness, this is at the very least dispiriting. It’s draining. And even if now you fail to see that light at the end of the tunnel, know that there is an exit. There always is. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.

In retrospect, it was a challenging year. In every sense. Looking back from where I stand now, I see how it managed to put everything I’ve ever learnt to the test and made my entire world collapse. It was a thorny and challenging road, but I made the leap. There were times when I was filled with uncertainty and doubt. In everything and everyone. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring and even whether there would be tomorrow at all. But finally, it all came to an end. I saw the end of the cycle and the start of a new one. I experienced it as deep as it could be. It was time to break free from the cocoon and be re-born. And if you’re in that black hole now, remember that the darkest hour is just before the dawn, so don’t lose hope. Ever. Remember that there’s always a greater plan, a bigger picture. No matter how dark it might seem now, keep the faith in universal wisdom and give yourself a chance. A chance to live, a chance to be happy. You owe it to yourself. There’s no need to wait for New Year’s resolutions to change your life. Do something now and don’t let circumstances guide you. Don’t ever let anyone else make your own decisions. After all, this is your life and it’s all in your hands, so decide for yourself. Is this the life you want to live? Does your reality reflect your fondest wishes? Your dreams? The fundamental vision of your higher self? Yes? Great, well done! But if not, make the decision to change it. Act out of love and not out of fear. Love to thyself. Break the chains and step out of your comfort zone, because that’s how you learn, that’s how you grow. And don’t be afraid, for I’m telling you: miracles can and do happen. You are one of them.

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