Learn to let go

Sometimes in life we get attached. And sometimes we surrender to love, unconditionally and without being reasonable for even a moment. But sometimes circumstances seem to be against us and no matter how hard we try, we don’t get what we want, which hurts us deeply. Nevertheless, just like a moth to a flame, we keep going back to the same “wrong” person, to the same circumstances that make us suffer. Time and time again. It’s like if we keep trying, we’d finally get there. We’d finally make it happen, winning not only the battle, but eventually the war. But who are we really fighting? The person who fails to make us happy? Circumstances? Fate? Life? What is this urge to constantly get back to what hurts us? And even if it might bring some positive emotions for a while, it’s obviously not beneficial to us in the long run. So why are we so insistent?

In most cases, it’s all the ego speaking. We feel that not getting something that we want, is a sign of failure. So we keep trying. And suffering. But what if that person is not good for us? What if we weren’t meant to be together in the first place? Not much of a consolation, I know. So we tend to keep living the illusion, using it to comfort us when we’re down. And we keep feeding the self-delusion any way we can, because we don’t like the true colors of truth. But what’s the point of all that anyway? What’s the point in living the illusion when real life is nothing like it? What’s the point in dreaming of the end of the rainbow, when we’re not even sure it’s what we’ve been expecting it to be? We just want it. Now. Yesterday.

Most of us tend to have that weak point – that one and only person, who, inter alia, is able to make us vulnerable and responsive. That person who messes our heads up and whose words touch our hearts deeply. Usually in the blink of an eye and without much effort. That person, for whom we’d turn the world upside down. For whom we’d do anything,  go anywhere, risk it all. Call it obsession, call it fixation, but they have the power to make everything look and feel different. And we believe there’s that special connection between us. That it’s mutual and shared. And even though our reasoning mind says “no”, our heart says “yes”. Yes to all. Refusing to label the chimera as such, we await that text message, that call, those words of love, that would justify the wait and make up for all the suffering so far. But where does all that end? And does it at all… ever?

We might get what we want for a short while, but most often it doesn’t last and we’re left alone again. To hope and dream. We’re back to that painful waiting phase, telling ourselves it just wasn’t the right time and inevitably finding a number of excuses. And against all logic, instead of seeing the situation as it is, we tend to live the lie. We find all the reasons, all the excuses we need to keep believing. Truth, however, is quite simple, although often blurred by emotions. I consider emotions our worst enemy, for they prevent us from seeing the actual situation, the big picture and drag us back to our comfort zone. What difference does it make if we are hurt? What difference does it make if we are not happy? Emotions certainly don’t care about any of this. No matter if we are inclined to admit it or not, deep inside we know the truth. We know if that person is to be a part of our future or not. We know if they are good for us or not. We realize that we must let go at some point. But we just don’t want to accept it. Even deny it. And acceptance is the hardest part. Sometimes, though, it’s better to wave the white flag. Sometimes it’s better to just let go of what doesn’t serve us. “But I love him/her!”, I hear you insist. “It’s love and it’s meant to be! It will eventually happen!” Euh… sorry, but no. Ain’t gonna happen and the sooner you realize it, the better.

Love is not supposed to be an effort. It’s not supposed to be a torture, or suffering.  It can be hard, indeed, and that’s for a fact, but love flows. It’s never consuming and deceiving. It never leaves you helpless and hopeless, quite the contrary, for what is meant to be, it just is. It’s there. You don’t need to look any further. You don’t need to question it or doubt it. You don’t need any proof or evidence that it’s there. Relationships vary based on what people are looking for/demanding from their significant other, but in essence it’s not supposed to be complicated or difficult. If they are, you might consider to reconsider. It’s one thing to have that special person going in and out of your life on a constant basis, but a completely different thing to let them overwhelm you in a harming way. You should not let them affect you negatively. Hard, I know. And even harder, if your heart is shouting louder than your common sense. But still, you should respect yourself enough to know when it’s best for you to say “no”. And just let go.

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