One freezing January morning

I’m walking down the street in the freezing winter cold. My earphones as usual in my ears and I’m lost in my own thoughts. The wind is howling and the cold is making my cheeks all red. I feel my hands ice cold even under the gloves and I can see my breath going out. Listening to that violin that makes my soul cry somewhere between ultimate pleasure and bitter pain. It touches my heart, turning my soul upside down. Sweet torture.

I keep walking. This winter landscape around is at the very least depressing. The sky looks so grey and sad. It feels like all those huge clouds will finally fall down to the ground, consuming everything underneath. All trees look dead. No flowers. Not a single green anywhere. Just that white and grey. The ground is all covered in snow and ice. It’s hard to walk, hard to even breathe. But I keep on going. I keep moving forward, as if I’m trying to escape all this somehow. As if I’m trying to find a hiding place from this somnambulant environment. As quickly as my feet would let me. I hear the snow crunching beneath my feet. One step after the other. And then another one. And then another one. That picture around, it’s one of the most grievous ones I’ve ever seen in my life and I feel the urge to run away. Fast.

People passing me by, running to work. Mothers holding their children’s hands, taking them to school. People freezing waiting for the bus. Cars moving fast, drivers already annoyed by the traffic. Carried away by my music, I’m trying not to let all that greyness around get me. It’s like life stood still. I’m trying not to notice all those deadpan faces passing by – all serious, already concerned about the day to come. Big winter coats, hats, scarves, gloves, and boots. Lonely faces, sad faces. Hard to avoid. Hidden deep down in their own shell, nobody notices a thing. Walking like zombies. As if they had no real intention to reach their final destination. Just walking, because they have to. It’s so early and everyone has already put their serious masks on. Unbelievable. Not a single smile. Not a single green leaf. Not a single sunbeam. Where is it? Where’s the light? Where’s the warmth? Where has all life gone?

It starts snowing. As if it wasn’t gloomy enough. Hard frozen tears falling from the sky. I look around, but there isn’t much to see. Nature looks sad, houses look sad, people look sad. I catch myself thinking that it’s just a cycle. The end of a cycle. Winter is just the end of cycle, right before everything comes back to life again. And a cycle must end, so  the next one begins, just to come to an end and start again. The cycle of life. And it’s like it’s all sleeping now, hibernating under that snow and waiting for the spring to come and bring back the light. But it’s still depressing and those violins in my ears don’t help much. Happy thought. I need a happy thought. None. All nature in some odd stillness and my mind follows. I somehow fail to find it beautiful this morning. It drains me. It makes me sleepy and it makes me grumpy. I need to get back home. My sanctuary from all that grief around. My castle. My fortress. The place where I could let this burden go as soon as I close the door behind me and feel the light again. I can’t wait to get back home. I put on the pace.

And suddenly, I see a couple kissing. Right there, standing under the falling snow like nothing else matters. They didn’t seem to even notice the cold or anything else around. Like no one else existed in their little world for two. They were right there, both devoured in the sweet kiss of love, frozen in time. Holding close, as if to increase the beaming light they shared even more. I almost saw it beaming out of them and spreading around, creating a circle of light around them. Nobody else noticed them. And I just stood there, still and quiet, staring. That’s exactly what I needed. That was the beam of light I was looking for. The sign of hope, the beam of love. And all of a sudden, the winter didn’t look so bad. The cold didn’t seem to bother me anymore. And then I knew. This was it. It is the warmth of heart that makes us see things differently. It is the glow of love that makes us glow in turn. It is that high hope and everlasting steady faith that everything is fine. Or at least it will be. Just now. I smiled and passed them by. I kept walking and my heart felt warm. I neither felt the cold, nor the freezing wind, nor the snowflakes melting all over my face. It was all, it was enough. Love was in the air and it was just enough.


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